we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize