It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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