It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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