I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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