Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
