Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
