dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
