You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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