remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize