Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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