I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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