If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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