He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
