is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize