hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
