She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
