My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
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