i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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