what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
