is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
