You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
babies were throwing up all over the place
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize