i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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