look no pants
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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