Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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