Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
