It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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