i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
