i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize