Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
