I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
