When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
