I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
