I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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