at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
