Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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