So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
