Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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