The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
