Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
