I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
