Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
