They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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