After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
