Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
