I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize