he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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