Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
whose parrot is this?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
