once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
