I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
