Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
