i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You've changed since you got that strap on
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
