for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
