My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
