Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
