Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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