dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
