so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
