how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
