Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
