WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
