Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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