yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
