went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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