Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
