he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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