Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
