I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
