you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
