$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
