Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
4 words: hood of his car
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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