I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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