Apparently you make a good broom.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize