my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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