how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
