When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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