i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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