It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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